atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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