Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
