the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
