Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When did angry sex become our thing?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
