My friends, they love my intelligence
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
