Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
