Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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