last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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