You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
