she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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