It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
