Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
