I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
