Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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