accomplished twins. life is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
