she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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