and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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