It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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