in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
