There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
