Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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