Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
