i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
