He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
