i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
