Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
