Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
