I will die if light touches me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
