halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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