I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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