Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
