u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
