apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
