Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
