Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
