So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
