im drinking this country out of the recession.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
