what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
