I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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