What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
