I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
