How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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