Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
