did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
