i permit you to call me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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