i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
