Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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