Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
