Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
