did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
