first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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