the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
